Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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