Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i already hear my dad disowning me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
