he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
