Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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