You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
