Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
