Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
