The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
