How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am naked and annoyed.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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