But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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