OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Vodka?
Forever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
