____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
worst night to have a conscience
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize