I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Randomize
