So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
