gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
