just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
