Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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