Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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