happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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