it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
