Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
