My Higher Power is John Stamos
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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