Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
