Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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