The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
