He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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