dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
