i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
