I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
