You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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