I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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