I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
