Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
