my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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