fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
