Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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