Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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