i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
