What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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