I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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