so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
