youre lurking in front of me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
