I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So squirting runs in the family.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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