He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
