were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
