and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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