you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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