Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
