3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
