Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
