everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
