Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
