College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
