I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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