For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
