Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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