When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
