Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
