I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
