Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
