She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
