If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize