I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
