dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
