im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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