Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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