He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
