I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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